It's almost been a year

What a year 2010 was. It felt so hard almost unbearable at times, and yet I'm still here. I think I feel stronger than I ever would've imagined. I look back on days, weeks, and moments thinking/ wondering how we/I did it just carried on. However, knowing that through each hard day week and mostly many hard moments in each individual day that we have a loving Heavenly Father whose helping us, and knowing there would be good things to come.

This has been a year of adjustments in life. Trying to carry on when our family is suppose to have one more. Feeling happy each day that our forever family is sealed together for eternity. There are still strange things I am figuring out how to handle: for instance the question how many kids do you have. I think I can finally answer it: one. However, each time I say 1 to someone it breaks my heart into pieces.

For now I feel strange because a visit to the graveside is a regular occurrence in our life. Visiting our sweet Savannah's  and Daniel. On the weekend of the fourth we took flowers, and I wanted to just leave them for Savannah. Addie responded we can't do that mom Daniel will be sad. She's such a little sweetheart.

Addie still talks about her I think Monday she was telling us how she wanted her sister to come to her birthday party. She'll just talk about her randomly. Those moments when she does talk about her are so sweet. I keep thinking she'll forget her. She loved her too... which makes me so happy. I always want her to remember. I think I've been preparing myself for the day she'd forget. I feel like our normal is weird for example, sometimes we read stories while we're there. Often because we'll go to the library and on the way home we stop. Addie will always say we're going to read baby Savannah a story. So, of course we do. If I ever try to just drive by with Addie in the car she gets upset if we don't get out. She's also a bit of a pill when it comes to stealing Savannah's flowers. Usually if we bring them I'll give her one before we put them there, but if someone brought some (my sweet friend Tricia) for Savannah Adeline will want to take some with her.

The good things do come ... we feel very blessed one year after. Still very sad she's not with us, but looking forward to the time we will be with her. We are able to see very clearly how each day throughout this year we've been watched over, and cared for. For that we feel so humbly grateful.