These Days

Some recent photos at the zoo. She loved the coy fish the most. She is so darn smart. She knows all the sounds to the letters except three (ipu). She has an amazing memory. Some of my favorite things she does lately: insists after her bath on taking a run (she's named it the naked run - around the house super fast). Bag lady with her toys. Oh my fav. she's got new tap shoes (high heel princess shoes) from grammy. She LOVES them, and walks in them better than I can. She wants to wear them everywhere, and sleep with them (sometimes with them in the laundry basket).

These days things are hard. I think about everything often. I feel very blessed, and I cry (I am crying typing). I debate writing this, but I want to remember. Addie says her babies names are Savannah when you ask her. She will still get into this little box that came from the Dr. (I told her was for Savannah) before everything. She'll say baby sisters box. We are being well taken care of by lots of prayers. We can feel them. It's truly amazing. I have never felt the power of prayers working so powerfully in my behalf.

I like talking about it... I cry most times when I do but tears don't bother me any more. I think they make others uncomfortable so I hold them in when I can. However, sometimes they just need to come out. I've gone back to work. I am teaching tenth grade world cultures. I love my classes, but it's hard. It is hard to talk about. Most of the time I don't want to talk about it.

However, I am excited to go to the big high school football game that will be on ESPN on friday night Go Bulldogs! The other thing I am looking forward to is going to the temple on Saturday. Eeverything has changed ... hearing lessons on the plan of salvation and just going to the temple. It's just different.

Fun in the Sun

She doesn't really drive, but she loves getting a ride form her cousins.

We spent the day at my sisters. The kids were loving the summertime. Soak it all up. Carson was my favorite he kept spraying everyone with the hose. He got Keri right in the face. He had to get down for a bit. We got the pool filled up, and they all loved it. Adeline loves it at my sisters. She sobs when we leave major tantrum last two times. Keri let her take home a toy to calm her down... it's upsetting leaving all those toys behind. And super fun cousins.

Pioneer Day

Addie loving a little watermelon

Carson and Addie best buddies

Enjoying a little cotton candy in style

Ad and Tanner

The Fam

We had the best time at the pioneer day celebration. Addie loved getting the flower painted on her face. She was funny. We waited in this huge line to let her have a turn in the bounce house. We get at the front it's her turn she refuses to go in. Later in the night she did go in after we waited in line while she was going wild. She loved watching her cousins throw pitches at the dunk machine.

Heart Broken

It's hard to believe I have to write this post. Our sweet expected baby girl died. We have been heartbroken, felt so much love and seen blessings and miracles happen.

The Details

Life is extraordinarily wonderful and hard. Some things I want to remember. The story of Savannah. I went to an ordinary check up with my OB. The first time ever I had Adeline with me. I told her we were going to listen to baby sister's heart beat. The doctor couldn't find a heartbeat. He calmly and quickly got the ultrasound machine out. He said that the baby was not moving, and there was not heartbeat. But he wanted to have another ultra-sound done to be sure. I am trying to remain calm ... because Addie was there too.

I hurried and called Tim. Tim got there as soon as we went to get the next ultrasound. The lady made us go home, and come back in an hour. Probably one of the hardest things was being back where we had been to find out we were having a little girl a month earlier, and have to watch a screen where you could tell what the results were. I've felt a lot of things, but I still have a hard time with the fact I didn't notice something.

We went to the hospital later in the day at 4. At this point I knew I had to deliver my baby, and wasn't ever going to get to bring her home. However, it was so difficult walking into the labor, and delivery room and seeing the little station where the baby goes. I was given a miso pill every four hours to induce labor (I was given three), but was told it could take up to 4 days. What a blessing it didn't last that long. I had an epidural about 2 am. I started having 90 second contractions that were pretty painful. On on side I started feeling extreme pain. They gave me an extra kick of meds through the epidural. It wasn't helping. She checked I was at a 10. The doctor was there immediately. I pushed about 5 or 6 times, and she was out.

We held her. I have photos. The sweetest lady at Olily Rose Photography came to the hospital, and took photos (through a program called now I lay you down to sleep). She did a wonderful job. I am ever so grateful for these treasures. I think Savannah looked absolutely perfect even though her body was so little and she didn't look like a full term baby.

It was so hard to leave my sweet little babies body there in the hospital. I was so annoyed that the nurse was walking us out. I wanted her to stay with Savannah's body. Then I had this overwhelming feeling of peace come over me that her body wasn't alone. That Heavenly Father was there with her, and I felt so much comfort that he knew how I was feeling and comforted me.

BLESSINGS

When we left we stopped to get something to eat at Chic Fila drive though. Tim realized he didn't have his wallet. We'd already ordered about $20 worth of food for the two of us. He then tells the woman I am so sorry I can't find my wallet. She tells us, "that's okay take the food, and here's the receipt to pay us when you come back again." We cried. When does that happen. NEVER!

The day everything happened Tim found out his past employer had a check for him that he'd never received for some crazy reason we have no idea. That covered all of the cost of the burial. Another hard thing going to a funeral place.

We had a small graveside service. Tim wrote Savannah a poem a friend sang I am a child of God, I have this thing that I was going to write all of my kids a letter before they were born, and then one each year on their birthday. So I wrote, and read a letter for Savannah. Then two friends played the violin and cello a beautiful mix of songs. It truly was perfect, and the spirit was amazing. Driving up to the cemetery seeing the sweet small little casket was just so difficult. It was beautiful it was all white, with silver handles that had roses on the silver part. She had beautiful white and pink roses on top, with lily's and a small purple flowers.

The kids watching the balloons

The other sweetest thing ever was my little nephew Tanner. When they told him he cried for the longest time. Had the best idea to send Savannah a love gram. My sister brought six pink and purple balloons to her grave. Tanner spent an hour and a half drawing her pictures to attach. He drew Savannah in an airplane with window so she wouldn't fall out, and the other one was Pokemon's. Because that's what he would tell her about if she were here. He attached the pictures with the balloons, but wanted some fancy ribbon the first ribbon my sister offered wasn't perfect so she had to find something else. He asked Keri to wear a pink shirt that day, and he wanted to wear something special too. He as Keri what it looked like where she was. Keri told him there were palm trees and it was really beautiful. He decided to wear his palm tree polo, and palm tree shorts. We were going to the water park after so it was really special of him to dress up. He was the first one up the morning of, (he is usually the last one up) he told Keri he knew how happy Savannah was going to be today. Addie drew a picture of bugs for her sister. She's really loving her squishy bugs. They were all so sweet. Tanner rode back to the park with me, and he was crying. What a tender little guy. It was hard for me to keep it together.

I love her so much, and can't wait to see her again. I anticipate the day when I'll be able to see her smile. From all that I understand in the millennium we will be able to raise her, and I can't think of anything I'd rather be doing during that time.

I have never felt more power coming from other people's prayers. I feel so loved, and watched out for. We truly have been taken care of. So much comfort in the plan of salvation. But it's still so hard everyday for a different reason, but each day it gets a little easier I think.

Going Shopping

Lately one of Ad's favorite things is to get her purse, or shopping cart if at grammies (Tim's moms) and tell us, "bye, I am going to (either) the mall, shopping, or party." I've started asking her are you going to school, or church so sometimes she'll say that too. She also loves to tell Tim to go to sleep she'll sing him a song, and then say good night. She'll walk out shut the door, and then come right back in saying daddy wake up! Good morning daddy I love. Makes me laugh.

Fourth Fun

We have no photos of the fourth of July. And this is why ... we went to a BBQ on Saturday. There was swimming earlier in the day and then we had dinner and did fireworks. In the pool there was this big huge tub for four people (Tim call it an island- it was huge) older kids were jumping on it from the side of the pool. We were all having a great time, and then finshed swimming, ate dinner and were hanging out waiting for it to get dark. All of the sudden Addie tries to jump onto the island in the pool slides off and into the pool. Tim immediatly jumps in with the camera (who cares because he was saving Ad). Ad was fine. It scared her, and she was coughing a lot. We've had a bunch of talks about it. Tim was super close to her, and I wasn't far either. She was trying to be like the big kids and jump on the tube.

She loved the fireworks, and is still talking about them today. She talks about the colors they were. Sunday on the fourth we did some fireworks at the River House, and watched some from the back patio over the river (those were the big ones). That is what Adeline likes to call them. We made a firecracker out of a pringles can, and filled it with homemade carmel popcorn. She loved decorating it, and eating it during the fireworks. I tried to explain to her it is a very special day America's Birthday. So she was singing happy birthday the whole weekend. Today she woke up saying Grammy's house, Pappa, Lily, Ryan, Egg (she calls her uncle Adrian that), and Willy. So, we had a fun weekend celebrating. We are now just trying to recover photos.

Folsom Lake

Sand or sun in the eyes

Working Hard

Enjoying the sand and the water

Fun day at the lake on Friday. I told Ad we're going to go to a beach at the lake. Her immediate response was, "I'll see a dolphin." She's so funny. I then explained there are no dolphins in lakes just in the ocean. She was still excited to play in the sand and had so much fun. She could dig all day. The sand was really wet so she'd get frustrated because it wouldn't come out.

summer nights

Watching the Fountain Show

Running through the Sprinkler Fountains

Getting Wet

Good photos of her face are hard to come by she's always on the go looking down

Going for Ride

Adeline's a busy bee. So we try to keep her busy, and having fun together. We went to the fountains and had the nicest evening. She loved everything. She enjoys being around people, and there is so much there to do. My fav. is the first photo in front of the fountain laying down relaxing watching the fountain. So fun to see what they say, and do. Not so fun is the "NOPE" stage that has started. Sometimes it's funny because she's becoming really independent, and will tell me, "nope mommy I do it" I hear it all day. Not so cute is lets get your shoes on, "nope."

a puppet show

Ad and mom at the puppet show

The stage with Bennett and Lucy (our friends)

One of her FAVORITE things to do is go to the puppet shows at Fairy Tale Town. She wakes up talking about the puppet show. She tells me who was in it, and kind of what happened. We've seen three Hansel and Grettle after this one she came home talking about the scary witch, and the worm. Then there was The Billy Goats Gruff with the scary green troll. She'd always make sure to let EVERYONE know it was a green one. Our most recent one was Wylie Rylie the Rabbit so lately she's talking about the FOX scary, the worm (who seems to make a 1 min. appearance in all the shows) you can't forget he's a dancing worm. She's getting more descriptive because now she'll tell me more if I ask what did the fox do she'll say, "tried to eat the bunny." She LOVES these puppet shows. Her eyes are huge when she talks about them, and she likes to tell everyone about them.

What We Are Up To

Berry Picking ... raspberries, cherries & blueberries

She had her own bucket that went around her neck.

Weekly Trips to the Waterfall Park. She loves the water.

Trying to do the Laundry- it's hard to get anything done with this one around!

Tried Putting Curlers In Ad's hair ... it didn't Work!

I love summertime! Adeline is so smart. She really amazes me. She knows her colors (purple, yellow, green, orange, red and pink sometimes get mixed up along with black and gray, brown). She can sing her ABC's. She can make pretty much any animal sounds. She can say any word you tell her. She speaks in sentences... sometimes not so clear that everyone can understand, but I strangely enough know exactly what she's saying. I love being able to see her personality develop. She isn't afraid of anything, and absorbs anything and everything I teach her.

Baby Sister

Adeline is going to be a big sister. Adeline already adores her little sis:

She wakes up in the morning, and says "good morning baby sister."

LOVES looking at the ultrasound pictures.

Gets angry when I won't let her hold the ultrasound pictures.

She kisses my belly, and even Tim's once.

She will sing to her, and tell her she loves her it melts my heart. We are excited, but have no name picked out. We're working on it so for now she is baby sister.

Trip

We had the best little getaway. We went to San Jose, and took two day trips. One to the beach in Santa Cruz, and the other to Monetary and went to the aquarium. We stayed with my cousin Janice, and had so much fun.

Daddy I saw a dolphin! Ad loved seeing the dolphin she's still talking about it to anyone who will listen and still telling those who don't want to hear about it.

She LOVED the beach! It was so much fun to see her enjoy walking in the sand... barefoot. She does not like sand getting in her shoes. I wasn't sure if it would be a good idea to bury her, but she thought it was fun and joined in helping.

We caught sand crabs. She was brave to hold them, and kept wanting to get them again after we would watch them burrow in the sand.

My cousin Janice had this amazing dog. Addie loved Bailey. She would cuddle up next to her She was so cute. At first she would copy what they would tell the dog to do. Bailey no barking. Then she became little miss bossy telling the dog all sorts of stuff. She kept playing in the dogs water, and trying to sneak the dog her snacks. Sometimes just pouring her snacks out into the dog dish. My favorite was she would talk to the dog telling her in sentences, "Bailey I saw a dolphin." It was so funny.

She was amazed at the aquarium. She loved seeing all the different marine life. This turtle was a favorite, the sea horses (I learned these creatures are the only ones in the animal kingdom that the male gives birth a little crazy), and the penguins were really fun.

There was a really fun Splash Zone for kids. It had all kinds of interactive play things for children to do. She could have stayed up there all day.

She got soaked touching all of the different stuff in this area. She loved it!

Ad sporting mom's glasses.

We ate some yummy food. Had a chance to hang out in fun places and with fun people. We loved every minute of it.

Frogs

A new favorite nightly activity is looking for frogs with her dad. She doesn't like to touch them. Just watch them jump around, and really she loves looking for them. She wakes up asking to do this.

Memorial Weekend

Ethan, Owen and Adeline

We had a fun little BBQ with some friends. Addie is totally loving the water. She also really likes these little cars we borrowed from my sister. Lately that has been all she wants to play with

Where do the days go

To fun swim days Lily and Adeline

Tim and Adeline

Nanny, Grandpa and William (Tim's brother graduated from High School) Congratulations!

Tim and Ad playing at a bounce house on a rainy day!

Adeline before church- I got flower's for mother's day, and she was very focused on them. It was almost miserable having them in the house because she wanted to hold them touch them, and carry them around the house.

Addie's A Princess

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Some fun photos at Fairy Tale Town. She was so funny when I told her she was in Cinderella's carriage. She started saying Addie's a princess.

The HUNT

She even spotted one in the flowers

Becoming a pro at finding those eggs

Adeline was sad to be taken away from the sand table

Carson and Adeline

We were invited to a really fun Easter Egg hunt by my sister's friend Mealine. The hunt was at her parents house in Fair Oaks. It was so fun! Addie even had two tickets and got a stuffed duck and a coloring book.